How a Missing Wallet Brought Me Peace
A week ago, I was experiencing something joyous, revealing the gender of my future god child to his parents, family, and plethora of "aunts and uncles." After the fun was over, I decided to hit Rita's Italian Ice for a well-deserved Gelatti. With three minutes to spare, I throw the car in park and search my bag for my wallet. Its not there. Not panicking yet, I call a close friend to ask if it was at her house, she searched...still not there. Still not panic induced, I put the car in reverse, pulled out of the Rita's driveway and headed to her house to check for myself. I thought, surely she just overlooked it. After an hour and a half, being elbow deep in a trash can and contacting everyone that I knew was at the gender reveal, still no wallet.
While I was looking for the wallet, I couldn't help but think, "If it is really gone, what is the lesson?" I am not careless with my things, the gender reveal sparked happiness in everyone who attended (at least from where I was standing), so I was baffled on why I was experiencing bad karma in that moment. A piece of me hoped that the wallet would turn up after a few days so I didn't worry. A few days turned into five. Friday afternoon, I was at work and for some reason, an express sense of panic set in. As I live in a different state than most of my family, and the family I live with was on vacation, I felt extremely exposed and BROKE!
I called my mom, actually in tears as the $100 I had for the week was dwindling and Chase told me I had to go into a branch to get a new debit card...mind you I had no ID. As I was freaked out and slightly over-reacting, my mom told me to just find a way home and we would figure the rest out. 30 minutes later, I confirmed a Greyhound bus ticket (eek, I know) to Columbus, Ohio. 8 hours by bus and 2 more by car (I had my mom pick me up in Cleveland, as I could not stay on that bus any longer), I was back in Columbus. At the end of the entire fiasco, I had a new license and a new debit card.
Still, I couldn't help but think, what was the lesson here?
Family has always been very important to me. I am extremely close to my mom and my immediate family. I have been in New Jersey for almost 5 years now. Most of that 5 years I have been a broke college student, and for the last year, I have been a broke postgraduate. I have always operated under the pretense that the condition has to be perfect. This means that I have been apprehensive about traveling unless my finances are what I felt to be, okay enough to justify a "big" purchase like a roundtrip flight. This type of thought process has always lead to me not going where I want to when I want to.
But then my wallet was gone, I had no birth certificate to get a new ID or debit card, my cash was low, and my only option was to go home. I think the lesson had nothing to do with money or carelessness, but the fact that my fear of not being ready kept me stuck in one place. That was God and the universe's way of telling me that the time is now and if I wait for conditions to be perfect, I will never move. These are the types of behaviors we learn through observation and aren’t cured by someone saying “don’t do that.” Practice is the only remedy to changing life patters. I haven’t conquered it, but recognizing the pattern is the first step.
Though it was for such a short time, I didn’t realize how much I missed home, riding around 270, eating Jeni’s Ice Cream, and snuggling up with my mom. I’m by no means ready to move back home yet, but impromptu visits help scratch that itch. Seeing my immediate family and falling into what was familiar to me felt good.
So I guess losing my wallet brought a sense of peace that was missing.